"Fire comes and it burns all the brush away - rain comes down." - Brave Saint Saturn.
Love that line.
That's all.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Sunday, November 6, 2011
What Is Love?
What is love, baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me no more.
For some reason that popped into my head when I was thinking of this. All morning I have considered the meaning of love. There is love from God, love between family, love between....lovers. Haha. What is the difference?
I am inclined to believe there is no difference. Though God's love is perfect and ours is not. I still think we are able to show His love through ourselves if He allows it.
I view love as not only an action but a very strong feeling that goes behind it. I've been learning a lot about that too recently. Love, to sacrifice and compromise and do what's best for someone else regardless of how I feel or what situation that puts me in that I don't like. And also to do it with a generous and kind heart. For what else would it be other than a typical action that anyone could perform if not backed up with the emotional heart?
I find myself wondering what love really is because I think I struggle with it sometimes. I think I do all right with giving it away, showing other people what it is, but I have a hard time receiving it. Well, I have a hard time with a lot of things so that's no surprise. How do I measure myself? Do I sacrifice? Do I compromise? Do I do what's best for others regardless of where that puts me? Do I recognize those things when someone else does them for me? Like I said, I think I'm okay at it. Not the best, just okay. More and more I've been learning to see God's love through others, but it is difficult. I think that is partially due to my own selfishness and pride. As I journey through life though and keep my eyes peeled perhaps I will understand myself a little better.
I guess I just don't want to get to the point where I become so selfish and bitter that I refrain from showing anyone love. Jesus spoke of showing love to the little children and if you've done that you have loved Him. How do I treat the "little children"? How do I treat Jesus when I treat other people? I suppose the more I think on it the more troubled my thoughts become.
And how do you love those that are mean and selfish? I'm still figuring that out. It's hard to get the emotion behind me when I am called to love someone that is essentially a jerk. Or someone that clearly does not love you in return. After all it is easy to love someone that loves you, but difficult to love someone who hates, dislikes, or is indifferent to you. I will continue to read my Bible and listen to Darrell Ferguson in order to develop a better understanding. Sometimes I just feel so hopeless in certain areas. I am glad though that I am able to reflect upon my heart, my life, my current situation and see just where I am.
If only things got easier rather than more difficult.
For some reason that popped into my head when I was thinking of this. All morning I have considered the meaning of love. There is love from God, love between family, love between....lovers. Haha. What is the difference?
I am inclined to believe there is no difference. Though God's love is perfect and ours is not. I still think we are able to show His love through ourselves if He allows it.
I view love as not only an action but a very strong feeling that goes behind it. I've been learning a lot about that too recently. Love, to sacrifice and compromise and do what's best for someone else regardless of how I feel or what situation that puts me in that I don't like. And also to do it with a generous and kind heart. For what else would it be other than a typical action that anyone could perform if not backed up with the emotional heart?
I find myself wondering what love really is because I think I struggle with it sometimes. I think I do all right with giving it away, showing other people what it is, but I have a hard time receiving it. Well, I have a hard time with a lot of things so that's no surprise. How do I measure myself? Do I sacrifice? Do I compromise? Do I do what's best for others regardless of where that puts me? Do I recognize those things when someone else does them for me? Like I said, I think I'm okay at it. Not the best, just okay. More and more I've been learning to see God's love through others, but it is difficult. I think that is partially due to my own selfishness and pride. As I journey through life though and keep my eyes peeled perhaps I will understand myself a little better.
I guess I just don't want to get to the point where I become so selfish and bitter that I refrain from showing anyone love. Jesus spoke of showing love to the little children and if you've done that you have loved Him. How do I treat the "little children"? How do I treat Jesus when I treat other people? I suppose the more I think on it the more troubled my thoughts become.
And how do you love those that are mean and selfish? I'm still figuring that out. It's hard to get the emotion behind me when I am called to love someone that is essentially a jerk. Or someone that clearly does not love you in return. After all it is easy to love someone that loves you, but difficult to love someone who hates, dislikes, or is indifferent to you. I will continue to read my Bible and listen to Darrell Ferguson in order to develop a better understanding. Sometimes I just feel so hopeless in certain areas. I am glad though that I am able to reflect upon my heart, my life, my current situation and see just where I am.
If only things got easier rather than more difficult.
Saturday, October 1, 2011
My "This I Believe" Essay
I wrote this as an assignment for class.....
Give It My All
December 2nd of 2010 – 5:00am. I was the only one in the entire hospital other than staff members. For some reason I was completely calm as I waited for Sheena to arrive on the second floor, the surgery level. The lights were dim, and a few random nurses chatted in whispers. Thoughts ran through my head of backing out of my decision but I batted them aside like flies on a hot summer day. Four months of testing, four months of decisions, four months of others telling me not to go through with this. I was determined, I had a purpose, and I was not backing down. Thinking back on that day has to be one of the most painful memories I will ever recall.
I donated my kidney to a woman I barely knew and I did it because I believe in having compassion for others. Why do I have compassion for others? It comes down to one simple thing : I believe that Jesus Christ died on a cross for me. In that sacrifice of supreme love and compassion I have for myself an example of which to live by. There was a desire placed upon my heart to do what was right, what was selfless, and I could not explain it at first. Eventually as the months went by I realized God was speaking directly to my soul in a way I had never experienced.
Now you might need a bit of information to understand a few things. I had never been to the doctor in my entire life other than for a few minor scrapes and bruises. Kidney donation isn’t exactly easy by any means. It requires an almost perfect match between two individuals. Blood type and kidney size and shape come into the equation. You also need a healthy heart and good kidney function, amongst many other things. I had no idea what my blood type was for starters. I figured it would all end there at the beginning but it didn’t. The tests kept coming and I kept passing them. I am not the sort of person to find the supernatural in every corner; however, in this case I find it hard not to believe that this entire situation was a miracle in the truest sense of the meaning. Sheena and I had only known each other for a short while, meeting only by chance at the hair salon she worked at, and yet I was a perfect match as a donor. I was probably the last person she would have ever come to, and in fact, she never did. I went to her. I saw a person in pain and in need and I saw everyone around her unable to donate and it weighed heavily upon my heart at the time.
I stand by my conviction to this day, almost a year later. I spent five days on a hospital bed. Lonely, afraid, and miserable, I couldn’t eat and I was in so much pain that I could barely move. They had me return to work fourteen days after I got home from surgery. Typically I walk nearly fifteen miles a day throughout my eight hour shift, and one day shortly after getting back I ended up collapsing in one of the hallways from over exertion and had to spend hours in the hospital getting an electrocardiogram (EKG), a chest x-ray, blood draws, and a ventilation-perfusion (VQ) test done on my lungs to see if I had blood clots. I spent months recovering from a surgery that I brought upon myself. I suffered much but I endured it all because every time I saw Sheena’s bright smile and unending energy, I forgot about my misery. Nearly a year later I find myself never looking back, never regretting my decision. I helped give someone back their life, their energy, their love for being alive and I would do it all again if I could.
I never knew that I had the capacity to do such an act. Before all the testing and the preparation I knew myself to be rather selfish. In one fell swoop I crushed that old habit and became a new person for it. I have learned so much, but more than anything I learned that compassion for others can be one of the more rewarding acts of service a person can do.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Worrying
Today I am trying something different. Not sure why, just felt like it. Today I am doing my own church service of sorts. Got a set list of music and sang along. Music was 1) Hosanna, 2) O, Praise Him, 3) Come Thou Fount, 4) Revelation Song, and 5) Lord I Lift Your Name On High. Now for a sermon!
Today's message from Darrell is about worrying. I'll just write my thoughts as he speaks.Matthew 6:25-34 speaks on worrying. Seems like most people out there are prone to worry. It's destructive and shows God to be untrustworthy, unkind and not very powerful. As I've know it can branch into other sins, such as greed, fear, dishonesty, anger. Worry chokes out the Word of God from our hearts. I think it also has a tendency to be one of the sins that most people gloss over instead of confronting it head on. Worrying can mean stress, being distracted, anxiety. It can be over the future, the present, the past. Jesus commands us to get rid of it. Interestingly enough there is a good kind of anxiety. From what I understand this is what "concern" is. Makes sense. We should have concern for the care, needs, and interest of other people. Sinful worry is when we freak out about stuff over which we have no control. It's okay to plan out stuff but once we do all that worrying should be put aside.
So how do we overcome that worry? The greater gift implies the lesser gift. God gave us a body and a soul, therefore He will take care of the lesser part, ie He'll provide for that soul and body. God gave us a soul and body for so much more than just eating and drinking and getting dressed for the day. Worrying about provisions is trivial compared to our goal, our mission of being on earth. We still work, we still care, have concerns and we still have responsibilities. What an interesting thought : God is able to feed 200-400 billion birds every single day. A bird eats its own body weight of food every day. That's a hundred million tons of food. If God can do that can He not feed us humans whom He gave a SOUL and a body? No other creature on earth has a soul like ours. And that's just the birds he spoke of in the passage. That doesn't include all the other species which He created as well. Another interesting idea : instinct = God. When an animal has that instinct to just simply know what to do in a certain situation, well, that's God who allows that. Darrell goes on to speak of how every detail in the universe is controlled directly by God every single day. WOW! How big is God! Every blade of grass that grows He controls. And if He has THAT MUCH power how is it that we continue to worry about the most trivial of things? Simply put, God feeds the birds, we are worth much more than a bird.We cannot dilute ourselves into thinking that there is no difference between us and animals. How much did God pay for us? A bird is worth next to nothing yet He DIED FOR US ON A CROSS. He gave away His only Son for us! When you pay a lot for something you take care of it, you don't just trash it. God paid the ultimate price for each and every human being on earth, both in the past, the present, and the future.
God doesn't promise to eliminate suffering. All the things we worry about and are afraid of are possible. He said there would be trials and tribulations. However, God promises that tomorrow He will still be God. If He continues to feed the birds He will continue to take care of us who mean so much more than the birds. God's yoke is easy, His burden is light. "The Lord is with me. What can man do to me that shall make me afraid?"
It's nice when things correspond between messages that I listen to. Something like worrying about if we'll be happy in the future can be taken care of by looking to God, by loving Him and receiving your joy from Him. And that's what I have been learning recently. What a great message on worry. I've read all this stuff before and learned it before but sometimes God speaks and stirs our spirit so powerfully that it just makes so much more sense.
Today's message from Darrell is about worrying. I'll just write my thoughts as he speaks.Matthew 6:25-34 speaks on worrying. Seems like most people out there are prone to worry. It's destructive and shows God to be untrustworthy, unkind and not very powerful. As I've know it can branch into other sins, such as greed, fear, dishonesty, anger. Worry chokes out the Word of God from our hearts. I think it also has a tendency to be one of the sins that most people gloss over instead of confronting it head on. Worrying can mean stress, being distracted, anxiety. It can be over the future, the present, the past. Jesus commands us to get rid of it. Interestingly enough there is a good kind of anxiety. From what I understand this is what "concern" is. Makes sense. We should have concern for the care, needs, and interest of other people. Sinful worry is when we freak out about stuff over which we have no control. It's okay to plan out stuff but once we do all that worrying should be put aside.
So how do we overcome that worry? The greater gift implies the lesser gift. God gave us a body and a soul, therefore He will take care of the lesser part, ie He'll provide for that soul and body. God gave us a soul and body for so much more than just eating and drinking and getting dressed for the day. Worrying about provisions is trivial compared to our goal, our mission of being on earth. We still work, we still care, have concerns and we still have responsibilities. What an interesting thought : God is able to feed 200-400 billion birds every single day. A bird eats its own body weight of food every day. That's a hundred million tons of food. If God can do that can He not feed us humans whom He gave a SOUL and a body? No other creature on earth has a soul like ours. And that's just the birds he spoke of in the passage. That doesn't include all the other species which He created as well. Another interesting idea : instinct = God. When an animal has that instinct to just simply know what to do in a certain situation, well, that's God who allows that. Darrell goes on to speak of how every detail in the universe is controlled directly by God every single day. WOW! How big is God! Every blade of grass that grows He controls. And if He has THAT MUCH power how is it that we continue to worry about the most trivial of things? Simply put, God feeds the birds, we are worth much more than a bird.We cannot dilute ourselves into thinking that there is no difference between us and animals. How much did God pay for us? A bird is worth next to nothing yet He DIED FOR US ON A CROSS. He gave away His only Son for us! When you pay a lot for something you take care of it, you don't just trash it. God paid the ultimate price for each and every human being on earth, both in the past, the present, and the future.
God doesn't promise to eliminate suffering. All the things we worry about and are afraid of are possible. He said there would be trials and tribulations. However, God promises that tomorrow He will still be God. If He continues to feed the birds He will continue to take care of us who mean so much more than the birds. God's yoke is easy, His burden is light. "The Lord is with me. What can man do to me that shall make me afraid?"
It's nice when things correspond between messages that I listen to. Something like worrying about if we'll be happy in the future can be taken care of by looking to God, by loving Him and receiving your joy from Him. And that's what I have been learning recently. What a great message on worry. I've read all this stuff before and learned it before but sometimes God speaks and stirs our spirit so powerfully that it just makes so much more sense.
Friday, August 19, 2011
August 20th
I know this doesn't really follow along with the rest of this blog topic but Happy Birthday to me! I just had to say that. I've learned that with birthdays and presents and being with other people there can be an awful amount of selfishness involved. I'm doing my best to be selfless instead. It's a rather difficult thing to do when the mentality of birthdays is all about "me, me, me".
God, take this selfishness and replace it with love for You. Help me toss aside the old man and replace him with the one you desire me to be. All honor and glory to You Most High, Exalted and Glorious One. Amen.
God, take this selfishness and replace it with love for You. Help me toss aside the old man and replace him with the one you desire me to be. All honor and glory to You Most High, Exalted and Glorious One. Amen.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Contemplation
I believe it was a wise choice to start writing down my thoughts again.
After much thought today I think the most profound thing I could ever learn from the Bible is that to love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength is to obey every single command in the entire Bible. I'm going to leave it very simple with that statement. Sometimes I tend to over analyze things and try and be eloquent with my words but sometimes simplicity is where it is at.
Loving God is the solution to all of life's problems. I love that statement. If I could just simply love God with all my being than all of my problems would become bearable. They wouldn't crush me, strangle me or beat me into the ground. They wouldn't weigh upon my back for countless years and the guilt from past mistakes would not rule me. Can you possibly see where I might have joy? Loving God somehow miraculously gives me comfort, peace, hope, joy, encouragement amongst other things. When I have those is any mountain too high to climb? (And in that I mean that as a metaphor). I believe that's what it means when people say "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me". Not this nonsense about how God might give you the power to move a car up the side of a hill because it broke down, or that He'll give you power to run a thousand miles so that you can win a million dollars for getting first place. I hear the phrase used a lot but I think it is misused. Hmm, tangent.
Back on track. Or maybe not. I seem to have lost my train of thought with that detour. Oh well. I am content that I was able to write what I did. My bike ride home was rather nice. Lots of time to meditate on what I have learned today. Bedtime soon approaches. My birthday approaches! Perhaps that will be a good time to reflect on my life and how I came to be where I am today.
Holy Holy Holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come. With all creation I sing praise to the King of Kings. You are my everything and I will adore You.
After much thought today I think the most profound thing I could ever learn from the Bible is that to love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength is to obey every single command in the entire Bible. I'm going to leave it very simple with that statement. Sometimes I tend to over analyze things and try and be eloquent with my words but sometimes simplicity is where it is at.
Loving God is the solution to all of life's problems. I love that statement. If I could just simply love God with all my being than all of my problems would become bearable. They wouldn't crush me, strangle me or beat me into the ground. They wouldn't weigh upon my back for countless years and the guilt from past mistakes would not rule me. Can you possibly see where I might have joy? Loving God somehow miraculously gives me comfort, peace, hope, joy, encouragement amongst other things. When I have those is any mountain too high to climb? (And in that I mean that as a metaphor). I believe that's what it means when people say "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me". Not this nonsense about how God might give you the power to move a car up the side of a hill because it broke down, or that He'll give you power to run a thousand miles so that you can win a million dollars for getting first place. I hear the phrase used a lot but I think it is misused. Hmm, tangent.
Back on track. Or maybe not. I seem to have lost my train of thought with that detour. Oh well. I am content that I was able to write what I did. My bike ride home was rather nice. Lots of time to meditate on what I have learned today. Bedtime soon approaches. My birthday approaches! Perhaps that will be a good time to reflect on my life and how I came to be where I am today.
Holy Holy Holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come. With all creation I sing praise to the King of Kings. You are my everything and I will adore You.
Joyviction
What inspired me to start another blog? Well the title of this one is "Joyviction". Joy and conviction. I had an experience today of both at the same time. I've been listening to Darrell Ferguson's "Love the Lord with all your heart, mind, and soul" series and it has been one of the most profound lessons I have ever learned as a Christian. Today's topic was Desire = Worship. I can go into that further later when I have more time but I wanted to remind myself that this day did indeed happen and it's not just another day to be thrown to the wind. Seems I've had things wrong most of my life. When did it become all about me and nothing about God? I'm not sure but it happened somewhere along the way. I've become so selfish that I couldn't even tell that I was. That's scary.
One thing I want to point out to myself most of all is that asking God for things with the motive of bringing pleasure to myself (even asking to be healed of a sickness) is both idolatry and adultery in God's eyes. If I ask for healing from sickness and I do not do it so that God might be glorified then it is worthless. I never understood the whole thing about loving both the world and God at the same time is impossible. To love one is to hate the other, etc. Apparently I have allowed the world to condition me so thoroughly that I believed I could do both and that is was also right and okay to do so. After what I just heard there is no WAY I can ever believe that again. Hahaha, eat that enemy/world! So that is where I get my joy. I get it from God! He both convicts me in my error and gives me joy to understand that it doesn't have to keep being like that. He strengthens me and encourages me and gives me hope to carry on the work that He has set out for me to do.
One thing I want to point out to myself most of all is that asking God for things with the motive of bringing pleasure to myself (even asking to be healed of a sickness) is both idolatry and adultery in God's eyes. If I ask for healing from sickness and I do not do it so that God might be glorified then it is worthless. I never understood the whole thing about loving both the world and God at the same time is impossible. To love one is to hate the other, etc. Apparently I have allowed the world to condition me so thoroughly that I believed I could do both and that is was also right and okay to do so. After what I just heard there is no WAY I can ever believe that again. Hahaha, eat that enemy/world! So that is where I get my joy. I get it from God! He both convicts me in my error and gives me joy to understand that it doesn't have to keep being like that. He strengthens me and encourages me and gives me hope to carry on the work that He has set out for me to do.
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